life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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