my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
