how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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