have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
