If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
