I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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