you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
