I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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