I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
