Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
