I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
