new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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