Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
