you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
