Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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