SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
