I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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