sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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