i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
