There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
