I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry about my life...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
