She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
