It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Drunk is a universal language darling
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