I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
