Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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