READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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