Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
