I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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