Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
