My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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