So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
