Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
