i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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