alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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