I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
