guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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