Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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