I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
