Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
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Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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