White coat. Heels.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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