im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
