I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
now i know why i became what i already was.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
