Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
