Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
