xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize