Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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