A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
