4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
