there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
