Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
