My hand turned me down
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
