Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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