Buhtt sex?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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