I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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