hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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