Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
