i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
