Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
