Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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