You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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