we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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