So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.