so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.