She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.