did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
