I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.