cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
birth control should be required to get into college
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
