it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
