Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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