My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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