My nipple is on Facebook.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
