before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
